July 1, 2008
Never Give Up
As I sit here writing this I think about my life over the past 10 months...and think about the many things I have gone through to get to where I am today...recovered.
As many of you know, I went through a heart procedure at the end of September 2007. I will be the first to admit that it has been a long hard road to recovery for me. Many times I wasn't sure if I was going to get through it. Many times I wanted to give up. I wasn't sure at times what to do. Through it all my family was such an encouragement to me. Numerous times they would tell me...you are going to be fine...you can do it. Even though inside I didn't feel good, I didn't feel like I could do it. I had three doctors tell me my heart was fine...but the psychological end of it was the hardest thing for me to deal with.
I didn't realize that at the time I was experiencing depression. I thought I was coping well...but I was wrong. I thought I could do it by myself, but I was wrong. I tried everything, relaxing music, relaxation techniques, positive things...but it wasn't working for me. I would cry at everything and anything. I went through so many tissues drying my tears. Little did I know, I was causing my family heartache because they were putting their life on hold because of my depression...and what it was doing to me. I didn't realize till one day I decided to do something about it, that it was taking it's toll on my youngest daughter and my husband. So, I opted to take some medication to help with the depression. I fought it for 7 months. I didn't want to take another medication...I thought I could deal with it...but I was wrong.
Well, now I come to this day. A day that I look forward to waking up in the morning and starting a new day. To do things I haven't done in a very long time. Doing things that make me happy...and living my life again.
I don't know if it was the fact that I thought I could do it on my own...and I thought that it made me look weak that I had to take a medicine to cope. But, it doesn't make you weak, or be less of a person to do this. It became a reality to me that I needed to do something. I wasn't living, and enjoying life. I am to young to be falling into a depression and not enjoying each and everyday...that's not me...that is not the person I was.
Don't ever think that you can't do it, that you can't make it. You can...I did. It doesn't make you less of a person if you have to take medicine for depression. I thought I could handle it...but I couldn't. This thing was bigger than me. I prayed about taking the medicine. I prayed for God's wisdom and guidance in making the decision. He gave me that inner peace that only He can give that assured me that I was doing the right thing. It has paid off for me. I am feeling so much better. I am doing the things that I had been missing out on for the past 10 months. I am living life again. I placed my trust in God and His direction. I thank Him daily for my new life, and my new zest for life. But, I also thank my family for putting up with me over all these months. I am so sorry for putting you through this.
Dealing with the stress of a heart procedure or any health crisis is a very hard thing to deal with. My doctor told me that when you have a heart procedure done, the hardest thing to cope with is the psychological end of it. We are human, we don't want to admit that we have a problem. But, once I realized that I did have a problem I was able to get past everything and begin living my life again.
About a month ago I got a phone call from my dear friend from high school, Cindy Knecht. She told me that she was going to pick me up and take me to the lake to spend the day at her in-laws cottage on Lake Erie. I was skeptical, but said yes. Well, she picked me up and thus began my healing process. What a wonderful day I had. We spent the day just sitting and talking and enjoying the day. It was the best day I had had since I had been in the hospital. Since that very day, my life has been different, my life has been wonderful, I have regained that sparkle, that smile, the laughter that I once had. It felt good to laugh and smile and enjoy life again.
There are some things that helped me throughout these 10 months, that may be of help to someone. Yes, they helped, but I had to take it a step further.
5 Things to
Help With Stress
The stress I was dealing with wasn't from everyday life and all the things that it brings. It was the stress going on in my mind, causing me to feel the way I did. Many times I thought there was things wrong with me that weren't. I told my doctor all the symptoms that I was experiencing, and he told me to take the medicine. I told him again and he said to take the medicine. I didn't want to.
I have read in a recent article that 50-80% of illness has stress-related aspects. Stress can affect your body in many ways including anxiety, depression, fatigue, stomach upset, and chronic pain, such as migraines. However, your personal ability to cope with stressors plays a large role in preventing disease. So when it gets to be too much and you need a break, try these simple techniques.
Breathe:
It is something we do without giving it a second thought; however when you need a break, your breath can be a useful tool. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Then you need to stop. Take five minutes and just breathe with slow steady breaths, keeping the inflow and outflow even. The breath can be affected by stress causing us to feel tense and anxious; however, we can learn to control our breathing pattern, allowing the tension and anxiety to dissipate. My mother-in-law told me to do breathing exercises and it would help relieve stress.
Things You'll Need For
Breathing Exercises:
a quiet, comfortable place to sit or lie down
a desire to achieve relaxation Step 1 - The best way to do this exercise is lying down on a comfortable bed (or anywhere else you feel comfortable) Place your palms flat on your abdomen and slowly inhale through your nostrils. As you inhale, deliberately push out with your abdominal muscles (feel with your palms). Try to expand your abdomen to its greatest extent (without straining).
Step 2 - Now hold this breath for a count of ten.
Step 3 - Slowly, but forcefully, expel the air from your lungs through pursed lips. To ensure that you are emptying your lungs completely, gently press your palms into your stomach.
Step 4 - Once you feel that you have emptied your lungs, try to avoid taking a breath for a few seconds, or until you feel you simply must breathe. Use common sense here. The object is to feel better. not pass out! That's it! You should feel a wave of relaxation pass over your body, and a sense of well-being enter your mind. I've used this technique many times when feeling stressed out and it has worked wonders.
When I go outside I take deep breathes of the fresh air and it does wonders.
Practice Gratitude:
How you choose to see your situation can go a long way to your inner peace and happiness. Medical studies have found pessimism is associated with depression and early death, and hostility has been linked to heart disease. Those who demonstrate optimism, however, have greater resilience in the face of difficult circumstances. Recent research into the brain has demonstrated plasticity, the term used to describe the brain's ability to change and form new connections. Doctors now understand that the brain can learn new ways of thinking and thus we can change old thought patterns and increase our sense of wellbeing. It is common to concentrate on what we lack, instead of appreciating all of the things we have to be grateful for everyday. Instead of seeing the glass as half empty, try changing your perspective. You may be surprised with the results.
Write it down:
I started doing this months ago. I can look back on my days and see what I was dealing with on a specific day and see what I need to change to make things better. Journaling can serve as a useful technique in times of stress. Writing can help you get in touch and clarify your feelings about events, people, or concerns in a safe and private way, often allowing you to get another perspective on a situation. Regular journaling can serve as "exercise for the mind."
Writing about difficult experiences you can benefit with improved overall health, fewer doctor visits, and enhanced immune function. Writing about a stressful event can reduce the severity of symptoms from certain ailments.
Get started by choosing a period of ten to fifteen minutes when you will not be interrupted, then just write. Don't worry about grammar or punctuation; the goal is to relieve stress by getting thoughts onto paper.
Exercise:
Can't concentrate, feeling irritable? Get up and move. Take a brisk walk around the block and allow your head to clear, you will improve the blood flow and oxygenation to the brain giving you a better chance of dealing with the task at hand. Exercise serves as a natural mood enhancer, helping to relieve depression, anxiety, and agitation. When I went through the heart procedure I was heading into fall and lack of sunlight. Thus creating even more depression. Winter was a bad time for me, since I couldn't get out and do things like in the warm month. Regular physical activity is associated with a lower incidence of depression and anxiety. Current recommendations for adults from the American Heart Association are 30 minutes of moderate exercise five days a week.
Laugh:
Laughter releases natural endorphins that control pain and enhance the mood while lowering the production of stress hormones. It stimulates the immune system and lowers blood pressure, decreasing the strain on the heart. I recommend thinking about a funny experience, one that made you laugh in the mornings, what a great way to start your day off with laughter.
We can't entirely eliminate stress, but we can learn to respond in a healthier manner. Incorporating simple habits into our daily routine is the first step toward tackling the many stresses of life and enhancing our sense of wellbeing.
Till next time...keep you chin up, and remember, you get through anything as long as you got God walking right beside you. I did it and you can to.
God Bless,
Diane Foreman, Editor
Crawford County POST
________________________________________________________________________________________
June 17, 2008
Next Step Is College
Well I managed to get through my daughters graduation from high school without to many tears. I held my composure very well, yet some tears did come. I was so proud of her as she marched in, took her seat and awaited the time for her to walk across the stage and receive her diploma. Doug was there in two capacities, one as a proud father there to see his youngest daughter graduate, and the other covering the graduation in a professional capacity. What a proud day this was for us, to see our baby girl receive her diploma. Now to think, we have another step to make…the step towards college life.
This fall she will be attending college on a dean's scholarship from the college. We are excited for her. She will be commuting back and forth to school. This is not be as difficult for us as it will be for parents of students who will be leaving home and moving away to college. I am thankful that she wanted to attend college close by, thus making is less stressful on my as my baby girl going off to college. But, for those parents that will experience their child leaving will be faced with a whole new set of emotions.
Once autumn nears, children will be heading off to college for the first time, thinking of this reflection on "empty-nest syndrome" might bring solace to the bleary-eyed parents like myself:
You breathe out, but it is so hard to breathe back in. It is like suffocating, only you get just enough oxygen to keep yourself alive. Then you have tears well up to the rim of your eyes and pour over onto your cheeks, stinging your face. Perhaps if you go into their room and look around, maybe there will be solace in the things they have left behind: an old photo, a souvenir from senior year, a single sock.
No, it only makes it worse.
You think about how happy they will be, now that are in their own grown-up place. Picking up an article of clothing left behind, you smell it. You recognized their scent. From the moment of birth, you have drank in the uniqueness of their scent and recognized your child. Now they have gone off to a college many hours away. All but a few odd bits of fabric and paper are left behind in the wake of their exit.
College will be so exciting for them with new friends, places and teachers. They won't tell you for years about crying into their pillow and the ache that they, too, feel about leaving home for the first time. Seeing all of their possessions as we unpack them into their new place, their dorm room, gives us a feeling that is both profound and final. We know that they will never live at home again. They say not to worry; that they will come home to visit us. We try again to catch my breath.
This fall we will see many moms and dads with this familiar, dazed look, trying to focus on yet another new aspect of being parents. Young, college-bound kids and we parents alike will survive this rite of passage and will no doubt look toward the future of our new, blurred vision of life, to our first holiday when we can again embrace. Then, over a holiday feast, we will look back at how far we have come and finally get to breathe again.
This is for all you parents out there who, like me, are trying to keep their chins up. Smile - you are not alone.
Tips for Parents with Children Preparing for College
- Talk to your child. Openly discuss any concerns and fears your child has before leaving for college. Talk about your adolescent's thoughts and feelings regarding leaving the comfort and familiarity of school, friends, and routines. It is also important to express your expectations related to academic achievement, financial responsibility, safety precautions, and any other concerns with your child.
- Educate.
Your adolescent is likely to face increased social pressures in college, with less adult supervision. Talk to your child in advance about sex, drugs, and alcohol on campus, and explain the consequences of risk-taking behaviors. Discuss ways in which your college student can ensure his/her safety while fully experiencing college life. It is helpful for your child to hear your perspective and point of view.
- Provide reassurance.
Your adolescent may be concerned about how the family will function in his or her absence. Assure your child that although he/she will be greatly missed, both you and other family members will be okay. Express excitement and support for your college student in this important life transition. Respond positively to your college bound student's aspirations and expectations and, if applicable, share similar experiences from your college life.
- Engage in open communication.
It is important that you address your college student's concerns and invite questions. The key is for you to create an environment in which your child feels supported and listened to, and that you are available to talk at any time. Show your child that you understand how he/she is feeling and he/she is being heard. For example, you can say: "I can see that you are nervous about leaving for school."
- Be proactive.
Create a safety plan with your college student for the rare case of an emergency. Help your child create a list of emergency contacts and nearby supports, including the university counseling service, campus security, and health services phone numbers. Identify family members or friends who live closer to the college campus as emergency contacts. Set up a financial and practical plan for your college student to be able to return home in case of an emergency. Planning ahead will give both you and your child a sense of security and control regarding the transition to college.
- Make sure your child knows that help is always available.
If your child has a specific need, investigate and inquire about available resources in the college campus' surrounding town or city. Specifically, if your college student requires services for a physical disability, learning disability, or psychological problem, plan ahead to ensure that necessary services are in place after your child moves to college. Make sure to include your college student in the decisions made regarding his/her treatment and special accommodations.
Tips for Your Child's First Year in College
- Strike a healthy balance. Encourage self-reliance and independence in your college-aged child. However, remind your child that you are there if needed. Allow your college student to set and pursue his/her goals for college and the future. It is important that college students handle some important decisions on their own, such as choosing a major and social activities. Encourage your child to take responsibility for his/her every day living, including managing finances and meeting deadlines.
- Use and model coping skills.
It is also important for parents to model the use of effective coping skills during times of stress. Relaxation techniques include taking slow, deep breaths from the diaphragm and visualizing a safe and calm place, such as a sandy beach or pleasurable memory. In addition, encourage your child to engage in distracting activities, such as sports or hobbies, when feeling overwhelmed or anxious.
- Stay in touch.
Check in via phone or e-mail, and send cards and care packages to let your child know that you are thinking of him/her. It is important to maintain a healthy balance of communication, so as to allow your child a sense of independence. For example, set up a regular time to talk on the phone weekly, or to chat online. Make sure your child feels connected with the family by sharing events and activities at home.
- Keep your child in the loop.
Even though your child may be living elsewhere, he/she needs to feel connected with his/her family. This will be especially important at times when your child is impacted by significant life events and during anniversaries and other important or meaningful occasions. Let your college-aged child know that he/she is still part of the family, and keep him/her informed and included in important family decisions, activities activities, and updates.
- Give your child options.
Discuss with your college student how he/she will spend anniversaries, holidays, and other important dates. Give your child the option of spending these dates at home with you or maintaining his/her normal routine at school. It is important that your college student feels that he/she is able to make the choice.
- Promote positive relationships.
Encourage your child to develop friendships and build a support system outside the family by getting involved in school activities and campus life. Ask your college student about his/her social life and friends, and invite friends to your home on weekends or holidays. Close social relationships and supports are very important during the potentially stressful college years.
- Encourage your children to give back.
Children can feel a sense of empowerment, control, and accomplishment by participating actively in their community. Encourage your child to volunteer and help others.
- Help is available.
Remind your college student regularly that help is available if he/she is feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or anxious. Point out that he/she can seek out help and support from family, friends, and professionals. Many college campuses hold mental health screening days regularly during the school year. Discuss these screenings and services through the on-campus counseling center with your college student.
Indicators of Difficulty with College Adjustment
No matter how near or far adolescents go to college, parents generally stay connected and want to ensure their children's well-being and safety. It is important that parents stay in touch with their college students and be aware of signs of difficulty adjusting to college life and of potential stressors related to this very important transition. Possible indicators of distress and difficulties with college are listed below:
- An expressed need for help
- Prolonged sadness or depressed mood
- Tearfulness, crying, and frequent emotional outbursts
- Excessive irritability, hostility, anger, or resentment
- Loss of interest and pleasure in activities once enjoyed
- Withdrawal from social interactions
- Statements of loneliness
- Difficulty developing a social network on campus
- Loss of energy and fatigue
- Agitation and restlessness
- Changes in sleep patterns
- Trouble concentrating or making decisions
- Missing class often
- Falling behind in schoolwork or failing classes
- Substantial changes in appetite, eating patterns, or weight
- Feeling of guilt, hopelessness, or worthlessness
- Risk taking behaviors, such as unprotected sex
- Excessive use of alcohol or drugs
- Hopelessness
- Thoughts or statements of death or suicide
Speak to your child if you see any significant changes in emotions, behaviors, or social activities. If you notice a number of the risk indicators in your college student, you and your child are encouraged to seek professional help. You can also encourage your college student to speak to counselors at the university counseling center.
Taking Care of Yourself
During the important transition to college, parents are likely to have difficulty separating from their children. This is more prominent in families who have experienced significant life stressors, traumatic events, or loss. You may experience mixed feelings of sadness and excitement regarding your child's departure to college. In addition to missing your child and feeling concerned about your child's well-being and safety, you may have less daily responsibilities related to taking care of your child. Changes within the family structure may also be prominent, including increased responsibilities for siblings and changes in routines. It is important to spend your time productively and take care of yourself when your child goes off to college. Some tips include:
- Enjoy yourself. Explore or rediscover your own interests and new activities. By focusing on pleasurable activities and exploring your own interests, you are likely to experience an improved mood and sense of confidence and accomplishment. This also provides your child with a role model of positive coping and decreases the potential of your child feeling guilty about leaving the family home.
- Stay healthy.
Even though your child has gone to college, he/she still needs you to be available to talk and to provide support and guidance. This is especially important in the beginning stages of college and if your child feels stressed or overwhelmed. Maintaining your physical and emotional health can ensure that you will have the resources necessary to support your child. Making a commitment to your health will also help you cope effectively with stressful events. Engage in healthy behavior such as eating nutritious meals, working out, and getting enough rest.
- Plan ahead.
Make arrangements in advance to see your child for holidays and homecoming. Check with your child first to make sure the plans work with his or her schedule.
- Seek support.
Spend time with friends and family and talk with other adults who understand what you are going through. If you are feeling overwhelmed, distressed, or upset and it is interfering with your daily functioning, consult with your physician or mental health professional.
Encourage your child as they head off to college…and let go…they need to begin living their new life as an adult. This will be the hardest thing for me since Krystal is my baby...but I know that I have to let go and let her spread her wings and fly. Till next time, may God bless you and your children as you prepare for them to go off to college.
Diane Foreman, Editor
Crawford County POST
________________________________________________________________________________________
May 30, 2008
Dealing with Graduation
As I am writing this, we are preparing for our youngest daughter Krystal's graduation on June 1st. Many emotions are going through me right now. I am sure that when the day comes, I will be a balling baby.
If there's a graduating senior in your family, you know this milestone brings mixed emotions. Is this the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning? One thing's for sure: Life as you know it will soon be over!
My answers came, with some hesitation, from that voice in my heart that always tells the truth. "You love them deeply. You like living with them, as a family. You'll miss them terribly when they go off to college. You wonder if you've been a good enough parent, if you've prepared them well for their 'launch.' It has been 23 years since my spouse and I have lived together without children. As a couple, will you weather this transition? You're not needed as an everyday parent anymore." My heart's voice is truthful, but not always kind.
The last dance, last pep rally, and last study hall... Senior year in high school is a long series of farewells, most of them highly emotional. As unsettling as it may be to leave their 13-year careers as students, seniors' most wrenching good-byes are usually their good-byes to friends. If they're leaving home for college or the workplace, they know that they can always come home to reconnect with family. But those treasured friends who shared their lives and knew them best; they might never see them again. And although they swear to each other that they will stay in touch, the possibility that this is a final farewell is almost too much to bear.
Because of this unbearable notion of terminal separation, many seniors' last summer before leaving home is consumed by an urgent need to spend as much time as possible with their friends. It's a summer of endless parties and little time at home. A time for hanging out with and hanging onto their friends. Time spent in anxious recognition of what and whom they are leaving, while being totally unsure of what truly lies ahead.
Parents should not feel neglected, rejected or shunned by their seniors' spending so much of their free time with friends. Instead of making your kids feel guilty about not being with you or breaking curfews (strict curfews are difficult to maintain during the summer of good-byes), tell them that you know how tough it is to say goodbye to their friends. Invite their friends for dinner. Host a couple of parties for them and their friends. Share how you felt during this emotional summer, when you were in their shoes.
Arrange Time for Family Good-Byes
Even though their outward focus is on savoring every last moment with friends, your children know all too well that they are also leaving home and leaving you. The life that they have shared with you is changing forever. They may even provoke arguments with you,
give you more attitude and lip in an unconscious attempt to make it easier to leave you.
It's easier for seniors to say to one another, "My family's driving me crazy. I can't wait to leave." Than to tearfully admit, "I don't know how I'm going to leave them."
In the midst of your seniors' frenetic, friends-focused summer, make a strong effort to arrange times for them to say family good-byes. Your departing children need their one-on-one farewells with you, their siblings and other close family members. Don't expect them to acknowledge that they need these intimate moments. They're too busy avoiding and denying fear and heartache. So help them out -- drop them off at their grandmother's and pick them up in a couple of hours, give them some money and ask them to take their younger sibling out for ice cream. When you arrange for them to spend time alone with these loved family members, you give them a chance to say their right and proper good-byes.
In this summer of the long goodbye, this last summer of their childhood, your children need your help to let go...and to hang on.
Make your seniors graduation day one that will be very memorable. Make many happy memories of this milestone in your child's life. If you want to cry, go ahead and cry, I know I will. Lift your head up high with that pride in your heart for your child. Tell
them that you are so very proud of them.
Congratulations to all the graduating seniors in the area. May God Bless your lives with much success in your futures.
Till next time, may God richly bless your and your graduate.
God Bless,
Diane Foreman, Editor
Crawford County POST
For My Daughter who will be graduating on June 1, 2008 from Wynford High School.
I just wanted to let you know how much I really do love you, I know that I say it often, but I just wanted to tell you again. We have been through so much together this past year, so if every now and then I act a little strange towards you, it is because I am a
mother who is watching her daughter grow up and it's hard to let go.
The first time I saw you was as a beautiful baby: cuddly, adorable and hungry for love, longing for the safety of our arms and dependant on your parents for almost everything. As you grew, I recorded every special occasion in my heart. The time you started to
crawl, your very first step, your first tooth and the very first time you had a haircut. As time passed by, before I knew it, you had grown up. You had grown more beautiful and a little less dependant on me, you started to do things for yourself, like dressing and
feeding yourself and starting to talk to me. All these things I stored away in my memory.
Starting school came so quickly, as you marched off, thinking you were all grown-up. As your school life grew there was more to tell. You began to discover that through the seasons of your youth there was a time of winter. Sometimes in the winter it would be
cold and bitter but with a few pleasant days. During those times, I knew that you were beginning to find out that things were not always as easy as they seemed.
The final chapter, the teens, the years that prepare you for the journey of even more ventures into the life of an adult. You will pass through many ventures and enjoy the beauty all though, you may feel pain at times, you may think you walk alone at times, but
you will never be totally alone, for I your mom will always be there. I will always be your mom, with my arms open to comfort you in times of need. I will always be your friend, who will come to you whenever you call. I will always love you, as you are a part of my soul. Our bond will last for eternity. So, if every once in a while you notice me looking at you with a smile on my lips and a tear in my eyes, do not fear or worry, for I am just walking through my memories. Recalling those special moments that I treasure, those thoughts that only I can see and remember, those thoughts that only I can feel. The little things that make me so proud to be blessed with a daughter like you. As you grow up and move on through your life, so special, please take the time to remember that your
mom's love is a special love, one that lasts forever.
________________________________________________________________________________________
May 16, 2008
The Morning Dove
I always say a prayer to God to guide me as to what I should write about each time for the POST. As I sat in bed the other morning I looked out my bedroom window that faces toward the west. The power line comes into the house right by my window from the power
pole. I have noticed for the past month that there is a Morning Dove that likes to sit on this line and just watch. I never gave much thought to it, until it started flying into the window during my prayer time. This got to be disturbing for me. So, I went outside one morning and shewed it away. I didn't see it for a few days, but it came back. It stopped trying to fly into the window, but it was always there in the mornings and the evenings. Then one day I was working in our office and there is a window right by the desk, and low and behold, the Morning Dove kept flying between the Maple and the Oak tree outside the window.
The more I saw this the more I started thinking, ok God, what does this Dove have to do with something for me...are you sending me a message? I pondered this for a little bit, and the Dove kept coming back in the morning and the evening, and sometimes throughout
the day. Almost like it was watching over me. I asked God again, "what message are you trying to send me through this dove?" I had been having some issues here recently, asking God where He was. I knew better, He is always with me, but I was questioning it anyway. In my spirit it rose up within me, that He is with me all the time. He said He would never leave me, nor forsake me. This Dove reminded me that God is always watching over me. Everytime I see him it is a constant reminder that He is there. It was so funny...I was watching Dr. Charles Stanley this morning, and at the end of his program he was talking about a picture that he took outside his window at home, he showed the picture, and it was a Morning Dove. I could not believe it, that definately showed me that I was to write about my Morning Dove friend.
Don't over look the little things that God has for you. The smallest things that may be a reminder to you of His love and His care. Look for what He has for you in everything you see, and you might just see your own Morning Dove that God has planted into your life.
Till next time!
God Bless,
Diane Foreman, Editor
________________________________________________________________________________________
May 2, 2008
You've got to like yourself!
I had been thinking what I wanted to write about this time and I was unsure. I pray each and every time to God for His wisdom and guidance as to what I should write. Well, as I was doing my devotions/bible reading one morning recently I came across something that
really touched me and made me think. Do I like myself? I never really thought about that till now.
God wants you to feel good about yourself, He really does. He knows your not perfect, you are going to make some mistakes, but He is not focusing on what you've done wrong or your weaknesses. God is looking at what you are doing right. He may not be pleased with
every decision you have made in your life, but God is pleased with you.
We have to press on, doing our best, hold our heads up high, and know that God is changing us. I am sure that you life may seem far from wonderful. You may have some areas that you have problems with that you may need to work on. Don't go around beating
yourself up, living with guilt and condemnation. Realize that God is changing you. If you are constantly fighting within yourself because you feel that you aren't good enough, your spiritual progress with become stagnant.
You must learn to accept yourself, faults and all. Do you have a problem with your temper, or maybe some other bad habit, maybe you want to be a better parent, but if you are always putting yourself down, thinking about what you aren't, then that's going to keep you from becoming all that God wants you to be. You have to learn to accept yourself.
Remember, none of us is perfect. There are many areas of our lives that we need to improve on. Don't keep feeling bad about yourself. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't like themselves. They are constantly fighting a war within themselves. They are often they are thinking and speaking negative things about themselves. Because of your own self-rejection, you can't get along with other people.
You have got to learn to accept yourself if you want to go to a higher level. You've got to realize that we're going to have weaknesses. There will always be imperfections in our lives. Don't be so hard on yourself when you don't live up to your own expectations. God made you and He knows everything about you, the good and the bad, and through it all God still loves you. You need to lighten up on yourself a little bit and learn to love yourself.
You don't have to beat yourself up all the time until you get over that bad habit. After you overcome a bad habit, God will bring another area to light with which you will need to deal with. Remember you are always a work in progress, and God is constantly changing
you for the better. If you don't keep a good attitude and accept yourself, faults and all, then you'll go through your entire life feeling wrong on the inside. It will affect how you see yourself. Your relationship with other people will be affected also. But, most important of all, it will affect your relationship with God. You need to know that God is pleased with you. You are the apple of God's eye. Just as the pupil is in the center of your eye, you are the center of God's attention. You didn't choose God, He chose you. God approves you and accepts you unconditionally. He accepts you and loves you in spite of your faults. You have to learn not to beat up on yourself. I have done that many times recently. I have to remind myself that I am not perfect. God knows that everyday that I am trying. I've have made a decision to hold my head up high and feel good about myself, knowing that God approves of me. God accepts me. I know God is please with me.
I use to be an old sinner, but when God came into my heart, He washed away my sins, He made me a new creature. In His word it says, "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." 2
Corinthians 5:17 KJV. Instead of having that whoa-is-me attitude, expecting the worst, why not expect the best. God has beautiful things in store for you. You are not weak, you are strong. You are royalty, because you have the King of Kings blood flowing in your veins. God created the whole universe with you in mind.
Until next time, may God richly bless you & your family.
Blessings,
Diane Foreman, Editor, Crawford County POST
________________________________________________________________________________________
April 18, 2008
Am I grieving?
I was unsure of what to write about this week, until we had a tragedy in our family. I received a phone call from my sister on Tuesday morning April 8th. She called to tell me that her husband was gone. She told me that her son found him dead that morning. I was
just totally numb, in shock, riddled with unbelief that something like this had happened. My emotions got the best of me...I found myself crying off and on the whole day. I would cry over nothing. Then I started reminiscing over all the memories I had of Danny. He had
been a part of my life since I was I believe 6 or 7 years old. Then I started thinking of my niece and nephew and how they would handle this, and then I thought of my sister and what this was going to do to her.
They had to prepare for the funeral and all the arrangements. I understand how that is. Since myself and my siblings had to help our Mom plan Dad's funeral and then a few years later plan our mothers. I prayed hard for them all week that God would give them comfort and peace throughout this whole week.
This was a reminder to me to always tell my family that I love them and appreciate them. To never let a day go by that I didn't talk to them, and never let the sunset on anger. Because you never know what tomorrow holds for you. Life is so precious, and it can be
taken away from you in an instant.
I am sure many more emotions will arise as we go to the cemetery after the funeral. Danny is being buried just 3 graves down from my parents. I know that all the emotions of them will come flooding back once again.
I have noticed that when a loved one dies, you often don't experience the grief of loss just once. You're likely to relive your grief on the anniversary of your loved one's death and on special days throughout the year, such as a birthday or religious holiday. Even memorial celebrations for strangers who died in catastrophes, conflicts or disasters can trigger the familiar pain and sadness of a loss.
The return of these feelings of grief is not necessarily a setback in the grieving process. It's a reflection that the lives of others were important to you, and that you grieve their loss. Learning more about what to expect and how to cope with reminders of your loss can help make the grieving process a healthy, healing one.
The memories and emotions rekindled through reminders are called anniversary reactions. These reactions, which can last for days or weeks at a time, often give rise to a host of emotions and physical problems.
You may experience sadness, loneliness, anger, anxiety, nightmares and lack of interest in activities, just as you did when you first grieved. You may weep unexpectedly or replay images or scenes related to your loved one. You might have trouble eating or sleeping, or develop headaches, stomach pain or intestinal upset.
Anniversary reactions can also evoke powerful emotional memories - experiences in which you vividly recall the feelings and events surrounding the death. You might remember in great detail where you were and what you were doing, for instance.
Some reminders are almost inevitable, especially during the first year after a death. That's when you'll face a lot of "firsts" - the first holiday after your sister died, for example. The first Mother's Day after losing your mom. The first anniversary of a national tragedy. Your reactions to these firsts might be intense, but you'll probably find it easier to cope with subsequent anniversary dates as years pass.
Common reminders that may trigger your grief also include: ? Weddings and wedding anniversaries Family gatherings or celebrations Childhood milestones, including the first day of school, prom, homecoming and other child-oriented days, such as Halloween Special days - when you met, when you became engaged, when you last saw your loved one alive, when you took a big trip together, for example
Reminders aren't just tied to the calendar, though. They can be anywhere - in sights, sounds and smells, in the news or on television programs. And they can ambush you, suddenly flooding you with emotions when you drive by the restaurant your wife loved or when you hear a song your friend liked so much. Even years after a loss you may continue to feel sadness and pain when you're confronted
with such reminders. Although some people think grieving should last a year or less, grieve at your own pace.
When grief becomes depression or PTSD
On the other hand, protracted or intense grief can be unhealthy. If you find that your feelings interfere with your ability to function in your daily life - you miss work deadlines, have conflicts with family or friends, neglect your appearance or stop socializing, for instance - you may no longer be simply grieving. Your grief may have progressed into depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Depression
Symptoms of depression include self-criticism, feelings of guilt about the loss and even thoughts of suicide. If you're experiencing any of these symptoms, it's time to get treatment. Start by visiting your primary care doctor to discuss treatment options, such as psychotherapy or medication.
PTSD
In some cases, anniversary reactions can trigger PTSD. This is more likely to occur when you have recurrent distressful memories of something that happened to you personally, such as a mugging or a car accident. Signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress include
fear and anxiety, a lack of focus, sadness, changes in sleeping or eating habits, bouts of crying, or recurrent thoughts or nightmares about the event. If you have these disturbing feelings for more than a month, if they're severe or if you feel you're having trouble coping, see your doctor or a mental health professional.
Prepare for episodes of grief
Be prepared for the occasional return of feelings of grief. Knowing that you're likely to experience anniversary reactions can help you understand them and even turn them into opportunities for healing. Some people create new holiday traditions or ways of honoring
loved ones who have died. You may find that symbolizing or expressing grief helps you cope better than denying or avoiding it.
Attending public memorials and ceremonies that mark the anniversary of tragedies, disasters and other events that claimed lives also can help. These kinds of ceremonies can help draw people together and allow you to share feelings with others who feel similarly.
You might find yourself dreading upcoming special days, fearful of being overwhelmed by painful memories and emotions. In some cases, the anticipation can be worse than the reality. In fact, you may find that you work through some of your grief as you cope with
the stress and anxiety of approaching reminders.
Tips to cope and heal
Here are several ways to cope with reminders of loss and to continue the healing process: Be reassured that anniversary reactions are normal and that their intensity will diminish in time. Reminisce about your relationship with the person who died. Try to focus on the good things about the relationship and the time you had together, rather than the loss. Plan a distraction, such as a weekend away or a visit with friends or relatives. Start a new tradition in your loved one's memory. For example, make a donation to a charitable organization in the person's name on birthdays or holidays. If you find yourself becoming more anxious, sad or distressed by news coverage, limit your exposure to news reports about tragic events. Draw family members and friends close to you, rather than avoiding them. Find someone who will encourage you to talk about your loss. Stay connected to your usual support systems, such as spiritual leaders and social groups.
Allow yourself to feel sadness and a sense of loss. Conversely, allow yourself to also experience joy and happiness as you celebrate special times. In fact, you might find yourself both laughing and crying.
I found after my parents passed away, that I was able to cope with things a little better when I talked to family and friends about the loss. Do not hold those feelings in. Let them out and cry if you need to. It took me a few years to let my Mom go...I realized that I really wasn't living my life because I was still in grief over her passing and that was after 12 years after she was gone. I didn't know that I was still grieving until someone talked to me about it. Thus, with God's help I let her go and I was released of the grief and I began living my life again.
Be there for family members who have lost a loved one. Let them know that you care and that if they need anything to let you know. Sometimes they might call and other times they just want to be left alone. But, either way be there for them.
I will be doing a lot of praying for my family in the weeks to come. This will be difficult for them. But, through God's help we will all get through this tragedy. Our loved ones are never gone, they still live on in our hearts with the many memories we have of them. Hold them dear to you, and you will never be without them, only in body not in spirit. We need to always be ready in our spiritual life. In season and out of season we need to always be ready to meet our maker. Do you know God? Why don't you give your life to Him today.
Until next time, may God truly bless your life.
Diane Foreman, Editor
Crawford County POST
________________________________________________________________________________________
March 28, 2008
We are on a battlefield, but it is in our mind.
I never really thought to much about this before. Doug is a military veteran...he has been to war. I understood that battlefield. But, I did not understand the battlefield that many of us deal with everyday. That is the battlefield of the mind.
I will be honest with you when I say that your mind can be good to you, or it can be your worst enemy. Doug has told me that if I could bottle of the energy in my mind that I could accomplish so many things that it would be great.
I started reading a book by Joyce Meyer called the ?Battlefield of the Mind?. All I can say is WOW! As I am reading this book, I see myself in almost every page. I took excerpts from her book to illustrate what we go through in our minds.
"For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.? Ephesians 6:12. As I read this book I am really realizing that the devil is a liar. He lies to you and me. He tells us things about ourselves, about other people and about circumstance that just are not true. He doesn't, however tell us the entire lie all at one time.
I noticed that he bombards my mind with little nagging thoughts, suspicions, doubts, fears, wonderings, reasonings and theories. He moves slowly and cautiously. Remember, he has a strategy for his warfare. He has studied us for a very long time.
He knows what we like and what we don't like. He knows our insecurities, our weaknesses and our fears. He plays on these things in my mind daily. He knows my many weaknesses...he knows it is in my mind. He knows what bothers me the most. He is will to invest any amount of time it takes to defeat us. One of his strong points is patience. Through careful strategy and cunning deceit, Satan attempts to set up "strongholds" in our mind. A stronghold is an area in which we are held in bondage (in prison) due to a certain way of thinking.
"...If you abide in My word [hold fast to My teachings and live in accordance with them], you are truly My disciples. And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free." John 8:31, 32. Here Jesus tells us how we are to win the victory over the lies of Satan. We must get the knowledge of God's truth in us, renew our minds with His Word, then use the weapons of 2 Corinthians 10:4, 5 to tear down strongholds and every high and lofty thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God.
These "weapons" are the Word received through preaching, teaching, books, tapes, seminars and private Bible study. But we "must abide" (continue) in the Word until it becomes revelation given by inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Continuing is important. We must continue using the weapon of the Word.
Two other spiritual weapons available to us are praise and prayer. Praise defeats the devil quicker than any other battle plan, but it must be genuine heart praise, not just lip service or a method being tried to see if it works. Also, praise and prayer both involve the Word. We praise God according to His Word and His goodness.
Prayer is a relationship with the Godhead. It is coming and asking for help or talking to God about something that bothers us. If you want to have an effective prayer life, develop a good personal relationship with the Father. Know that He loves you, that He is full of mercy, that He will help you. Get to know Jesus. He is your Friend. He died for you. Get to know the Holy Spirit. He is with you all the time as your Helper. Let Him help you.
Learn to fill your prayers with the Word of God. God's Word and our need is the basis on which we come to Him. Our weapons are the Word used in various ways. As Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians, our weapons are not carnal (fleshly) weapons; they are spiritual. We need spiritual weapons because we are fighting master spirits, yes, even the devil himself. Even Jesus used the weapon of the Word in the wilderness to defeat the devil. (Luke 4:1-13). Each time the devil lied to Him, Jesus responded with, "It is written," and quoted him the Word.
Jesus always stands ready to fulfill His promise to set the captives free. He will walk us across the finish line of victory in any area if we are willing to go all the way through it with Him.
There is a way out. "For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin, no matter how it comes or where it leads) has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance
and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place) that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently." 1 Corinthians 10:13.
Thank God, we have weapons to tear down the strongholds. God doesn't abandon us and leave us helpless. First Corinthians 10:13 promises us that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear, but with every temptation He will also provide the way
out, the escape.
Satan knows well that if he can control our thoughts, he can control our actions.
You may have major strongholds in your life that need to be broken. Let me encourage you by saying, "God is on your side." There is a war going on, and your mind is the battlefield. But the good news is that God is fighting on your side.
To win this battle you must get your thoughts in line with God's Word. You can't have a positive life and a negative mind. If we think fleshly thoughts, wrong thoughts, negative thoughts, we cannot walk in the Spirit. It seems as if renewed, God-like thinking is a vital necessity to a successful Christian life.
Your life may be in a state of chaos because of years of wrong thinking. If so, it is important for you to come to grips with the fact that your life will not get straightened out until your mind does. You should consider this area one of vital necessity. Be serious about tearing down the strongholds Satan has built in your mind. Use your weapons of God's Word, praise and prayer.
One of the best aids to freedom is asking God for a lot of help-and asking often.
One of your weapons is prayer (asking). You can't overcome your situation by determination alone. You do need to be determined, but determined in the Holy Spirit, not n the effort of your own flesh. The Holy Spirit is your Helper- seek His help. Lean on Him. You can't make it alone. For the believer, right thinking is a vital necessity. A vital necessity is something that is so important that one simply cannot live without it-like a heart beat is vital, or blood pressure is vital. These are things without which there is no life.
Spiritual life is dependent upon spending regular, quality time with God. Once I learned that fellowship with Him was vital, I gave it top priority in my life.
"Either make the tree sound (healthy and good), and its fruit sound (healthy and good), or make the tree rotten (diseased and bad), and its fruit rotten (diseased and bad); for the tree is known and recognized and judged by its fruit." Matthew 12:33. The Bible says
that a tree is known by its fruit.
The same is true in our lives. Thoughts bear fruit. Think good thoughts, and the fruit in your life will be good. Think bad thoughts, and the fruit in your life will be bad.
You can look at a persons attitude and know what kind of thinking is prevalent in his life. A sweet, kind person does not have mean, vindictive thoughts. By the same token, a truly evil person does not have good, loving thoughts.
Remember Proverbs 23:7 and allow it to have an impact on your life: for as you think in your heart, so are you.
DON'T GIVE UP! No matter how bad the condition of your life and your mind, don't give up! Regain your territory the devil has stolen from you. If necessary, regain it one inch at a time, always leaning on God's grace and not on your own ability to get the desire
results. In Galatians 6:9 the Apostle Paul simply encourages us to keep on keeping on! Don't be a quitter! Don't have that old ?give-up? spirit. God is looking for people who will go all the way through with Him.
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you." Isaiah 43:2. Whatever you may be facing or
experiencing right now in your life, I am encouraging you to go through it and not give up!
The way God helps us make spiritual progress is by being with us to strengthen and encourage us to "keep on keeping on" in rough times.
It's easy to quit; but it takes faith to go through.
The choice is yours! "I call heaven and earth to witness this day against you that I have set before you life and death, the blessings and the curses; therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live." Deuteronomy 30:19. There are thousands upon
thousands of thoughts presented to us every day. The mind has to be renewed to follow after the Spirit and not the flesh. Our carnal (worldly, fleshly) minds have had so much practice operating freely that we surely don't have to use any effort to think wrong
thoughts.
We have to purposely choose right thinking. After we have finally decided to be like-minded with God, then we will need to choose and to continue to choose right thoughts.
When we begin to feel that the battle of the mind is just too difficult and that we aren't going to make it, then we must be able to cast down that kind of thinking and choose to think that we are going to make it! Not only must we choose to think that we are going to make it, but we must also decide not to quit. Bombarded with doubts and fears, we must take a stand and say: "I WILL NEVER GIVE UP! GOD IS ON MY SIDE, HE LOVES ME, AND HE IS HELPING ME!" Proverbs 18:21 says, "Death and life are in the power of the
tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it..."
Our thoughts become our words. Therefore, it is vitally important that we choose life-generating thoughts. When we do, right words will follow.
DON'T GIVE UP!! When the battle seems endless and you think you'll never make it, remember that you are reprogramming a very carnal fleshly, worldly mind to think as God thinks. Is that impossible? No! Difficult? Yes!
Just think, you have God on your team. I believe He is the best "computer programmer" around. (Your mind is like a computer that has had a lifetime of garbage programmed into it). God is working even on you; as least, He is if you have invited Him to have control
of your thoughts. He is reprogramming your mind. Just keep cooperating with Him-and DON?T GIVE UP!
It will definitely take time, and it won?t be easy, but you are going in the right direction if you choose God?s way of thinking. You will spend your time doing something, so it may as well be going forward and not staying in the same mess for the rest of your life.
Have you dwelt long enough on the same mountain? Have you spent forty years trying to make an eleven-day trip? Make a quality decision that you are going to get your mind renewed and learn to choose your thoughts carefully. Make up your mind that you will not
quit and give up until victory is complete and you have taken possession of your rightful inheritance. Instead of thinking negatively, think like this:
"Well, things are going a little slow; but, thank Go0d, I?m making some progress. I'm sure glad I?m on the right path that will lead me to freedom. I had a rough day yesterday. I chose wrong thinking all day long. Father, forgive me, and help me to keep on keeping on." I made a mistake, but at least that is one mistake I won't have to make again. This is a new day. You love me, Lord. Your mercy is new every morning."
"I refuse to be discouraged. I refuse to be condemned. Father, the Bible says that You don?t condemn me. You sent Jesus to die for me. I'll be fine-today will be a great day. You help me choose right thoughts today."
Remember, God is delivering you, little by little, so don?t be discouraged and don't feel condemned if you make a mistake. Be patient with yourself.
Be strong and trust in God. He will NEVER let you down. He said He would never leave you, nor forsake you. This journey will soon be over, and you will find rest. You will be a Victor and not a Victim.
I have found this book to be a true blessing to me. I was struggling with a battle in my mind since I was hospitalized...but I will not give the devil the victory in my life. God is in control. Place your trust in Him. He is always by your side and always there for
you.
Portions of this article were taken from Joyce Meyers book the "Battlefield of the Mind". If you have been struggling with a battle in your mind, this is a must read book. I found it at the local Wal-Mart store. You can also purchase it online at my prayer for you is that you be blessed.